Manatee Summer – An Interview with Alum Evan Griffith!

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As the summer gets underway, our thoughts often turn to fun in the sun and frolicking on the beach, hoping for an encounter with sea creatures like dolphins, or, in VCFA alum Evan Griffith’s case, manatees! We were able to interview Evan about his middle grade novel, Manatee Summer. Learn more about this delightful book here!

1. Tell us what the story is about in your own words.

It’s the last summer before middle school for 11-year-old Peter and it’s a time of head spinning change. As Peter and his best friend, Tommy, try to complete their Discovery Journal—a scientific catalog of all the animal species they can find in their central Florida town—Peter must also take care of his grandfather, who has rapidly progressing Alzheimer’s, while his mom works to salvage her real estate career. Then, on the same day, Peter discovers a manatee injured in a boating strike and learns that Tommy is moving to Michigan. As Peter scrambles to save the injured manatee, take care of his grandfather, and somehow keep Tommy from leaving, his summer becomes a breathless race to fix everything that feels broken in his world.

2. This story centers around wildlife conservation, specifically manatees. What inspired you to write a story about manatees?

I grew up on the Indian River on the east coast of Florida. A group of manatees lived in the canal that ran into my neighborhood, and I used to sit on the banks and watch them swim slowly through the water. There was something about the gentleness and steadiness of such large creatures that stuck out to me. I knew that manatees are a vulnerable species and I remember seeing manatee zone signs posted in the waterways—a reminder to boats to go slow. It was my first exposure to wildlife conservation issues and the conflict between the natural world and the manmade world. After leaving Florida at age 18, I realized that manatees seemed otherworldly and almost mythological to people elsewhere in the country, and those childhood memories by the canal became more precious and nostalgic to me as time went on. So, when I became broadly interested in wildlife conservation as an adult and wanted to explore it in fiction, it made sense to return to my first exposure to it: manatees.

 

3. In Manatee Summer, your protagonist, Peter, finds himself taking on the responsibility of caring for his grandfather. Why was this an important aspect to include?

So many kids find themselves in positions of caretaking for parents, grandparents, or other adults in their lives. I wanted these kids to find themselves in this story. I wanted to honor kids’ natural caretaking instincts but also the overwhelming sense of responsibility these situations can cause, and the way that a reversal of the caretaker relationship can force kids to grow up too quickly. That moment in childhood when you start to realize that the adults in your life are vulnerable and fallible—that’s always been interesting to me, and it plays out in Peter’s relationship with his parents, too.

4. Your protagonist seems like the type to take on a lot of responsibility to fight against things that are largely outside his own control. What else can you tell us about this character?

Peter has a big heart and big feelings. He cares so deeply about the people and the animals he loves that it often hurts. He has a strong sense of injustice, and his temper flares when he sees it. He’s excitable, quick to act and quick to anger, but he has a hard time connecting with sadness, grief, and fear—the feelings that make him feel vulnerable and out of control. So part of his journey is learning to make room for these feelings, too, and finding a way to accept what he can’t control. Peter was so much fun to write—he’s always concocting ambitious plans and he sees himself as a leader, so he has lots of agency and really drives the story.

5. What surprised you about your characters while writing this book?

I was most surprised and delighted by Tommy, Peter’s best friend. I didn’t know much about Tommy when I started writing the book, so there was a real journey of discovery for me there. I was moved by how much of a steadfast friend he proved to be—he loves Peter unconditionally, and he’s such an anchor when Peter is spinning out. At the same time, he has his own challenges to overcome—exploring how he faces and overcomes his many fears was rewarding. We all need a friend like Tommy!

6. What can we do to help in the fight to help endangered animals?

As Peter says in the book, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed when confronting the countless struggles and injustices that animals across the world are facing at our hands—and when that overwhelm happens, it helps to pick one one cause to devote your time, attention, and resources to—at least as a start. While the Florida Manatee Society in my book is a fictional organization, it was inspired by the Save the Manatee Club, which does fantastic advocacy and conservation work. I recommend checking out their work and donating, if you can. Of course, there are many more organizations out there devoted to different species, so if there’s an animal that you’re passionate about, see who is working to protect them and how you can get involved. On a larger scale, we all have to reckon with climate change and widespread environmental devastation—politically, culturally, ethically. My hope for kids like Peter is that they get to witness the human race making a concerted effort to move back into balance with the natural world. Kids—and all the animals of the world—deserve better.

_ _ _ _ _

Evan Griffith is the author of the middle-grade novel Manatee Summer (Quill Tree, 2022) and the picture book biography Secrets of the Sea: The Story of Jeanne Power, Revolutionary Marine Scientist (Clarion, 2021). He studied creative writing at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and received his MFA in Writing for Children and Young Adults at the Vermont College of Fine Arts.

He worked for several years as an editor at Workman Publishing, where he specialized in non-fiction for children and adults, and he continues to edit books on a freelance basis. Through his role as the youth programming specialist at The Writing Barn, a creative writing education center, he also teaches online writing classes for kids.

He lives in Austin, Texas with a mischievous tuxedo cat and several overflowing bookshelves.

You can learn more about Evan and his books at www.evangriffithbooks.com.

The Hike to Home – Jess Rinker (’14) on her Upcoming Release!

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VCFA WCYA (Summer ’14) Alum Jess Rinker is set to release her fifth book on July 5th, 2022! Get the inside scoop on her middle grade adventure, The Hike to Home, here!

1. Tell us a little about The Hike to Home in your own words.

The Hike to Home is about a girl who sets out to find her own adventure. It was sold on proposal, and then switched imprints when my initial imprint closed. When it changed hands, it also changed editors and vision, which turned out to be a wonderful thing because my new editor really pushed me hard in developing my idea into a more complex, heartfelt story. But what didn’t change was what I knew I wanted to write about from the beginning: a story about kids hiking the AT on their own, an unconventional mother/daughter relationship that was still full of love, and a girl who knew a ton about nature but not so much about kids her own age. There are a lot of autobiographical elements in this story.

2. Tell us about your characters. Were they inspired by anyone you know or knew growing up?

Lin, the protagonist, is based on me, but with major changes in life experience/situations. We both grew up somewhat isolated from our peers and pop culture, but for very different reasons. Learning the names of flora and fauna everywhere is the constant that binds us. As a young person I devoured wildlife identification books and I’ve always had some kind of wonder and satisfaction at knowing the names of the little creepy crawlies as well as big beautiful blooms and more majestic creatures. I also had a TON of freedom as a kid to explore the woods, so I really wanted these kids to find adventure in their backyard like I used to. Tinsley is based largely on my expressive, creative daughter. And Leo really represents the smart, sweet boys I’ve known in my life, the boyhood that exists before it’s crushed by toxicity.

3. Finding a castle in the woods sounds like a great adventure. What motivates these characters to try to look for it? What does it symbolize for them? What did it symbolize for you (if anything?)

Lin is desperate for a grand adventure like she’s used to having, so when she lands in NJ she thinks there can’t possibly be anything exciting there, which just compounds her grief of missing her mom who was always her adventuring partner. (Mom isn’t gone, just away for a bit) When she makes new friends and learns of the legend of the castle, she thinks it’s exactly the kind of adventure Mom would have taken her on, so she sets out to prove she can do it herself, with a bit of revenge motivation. Besides, it’s just New Jersey, what could go wrong? The other two are not used to having the same kind of adventures or freedom that Lin has had, so they are pretty enchanted by her, which leads them all into some sketchy situations.

I think the castle mostly represents any goal or dream, honestly. Without castles, we don’t climb mountains. Without climbing mountains, we don’t know how strong we really are.

4. What draws you to middle grade as an age group?

Initially I wasn’t drawn to it, to be honest. I didn’t think I could get myself in that mindset because my own middle grade years were pretty fraught with chaos and dysfunction, and so when I channel myself back that’s where my brain first lands. It takes a lot of work to sift through that to get to the heart of a twelve/thirteen year old. It’s a wonderful age and now that I have landed in that category, I really love it. It’s become easier to separate my own traumas, and sometimes cynical outlook, and focus on the beauty of that age, how it straddles this amazing brink of childhood and adolescence where kids are still imaginative and dreamy, and yet becoming much more responsible and self-aware. I get to write stories that I would have read at that age–little escapes and adventures with a bit of life-lessons and hard knocks. There are resounding themes of friendship, feminism, and allowing girls to explore their world in all my middle grades books, and it’s really fun writing to those themes without knocking my readers over the head with didactic messages.

 

5. What were some of the things that inspired you to write this story?

Honestly, I wanted to write an adventure story that was set in an unexpected place–New Jersey. Most people don’t think of New Jersey as having particularly natural topography, but it is the Garden State for a reason! There might only be a small portion of it preserved, but that portion is completely gorgeous. And a small section of the Appalachian Trail does go through the northwest corner so it’s based on a real area. I wanted to showcase the small, sweet Delaware river towns I have lived in (Newbridge is a fictional amalgamation of them) along with the vast wildlife and beauty that might not be consistent with some people’s ideas of New Jersey.

I also wanted to show a family that looks very different from the nuclear example that tends to get put on a pedestal. Although Lin’s family is somewhat nuclear, they don’t live suburban, stationary lives. They are on the road almost all the time, Lin has never attended public school, and at the start of this story, her mom has gone away for a year, which Lin is very unhappy about initially. A big part of the story is Lin coming to an understanding that her family can change how it looks, but still be close and loving, and that dependable friends can also become family. It doesn’t all have to rest on Mom’s shoulders!

6. Tell us something cool about yourself! What have you done recently that you’re proud of?

Well, no big adventures for me lately, but I did recently learn how to blow glass and make actual functioning pieces. I’m working for a brand new glass studio in Wardensville, West Virginia, and learning the craft was part of the perks of onboarding. The fact you can walk into the shop, and come out with a vase is mind boggling. I never thought it was something just anyone could do, but anyone can do it! Doesn’t mean you’ll have a beautiful piece, but you can have a working piece.

A professional glass blower creates a beautiful work of art in Mallorca.

The really cool thing is that it’s such a different creative process than writing in that you cannot be in your own head. You must be fully present, aware of your surroundings, and in the moment. There’s most definitely a mindfulness that’s required to work with glass, something I don’t stretch that often because I’m usually on a computer. Anyway, it’s really fun, and challenging, and I’m super excited to be working there and to witness other people learn the trade.

7. Do you have a favorite urban (or rural) legend? If so, what is it?

I think the castle legend is my favorite. I mean, I made it up for this story, but it’s based on real abandoned castles which exist on the east coast, often Scottish or Irish replicas and usually built by rich white men, maybe trying to duplicate home? I’m not sure. But I love the idea of trekking through the woods in search of ruins and in fact this story initially sparked when my husband and I once did exactly that. We literally hunted down a castle through small-time explorer’s blogs and Google earth, and it was SO FUN. But I can’t disclose the castle name or location because technically it was trespassing. (Shhh!) But here’s a glimpse:

(Shhh!)

8. What area of the world would you most like to explore?

I would love to visit a lot of places, but lately the Scottish Highlands have been on my mind. I pretty recently found out I’m nearly half Scottish, which was surprising because I think I look more like my Italian family and have mostly identified with them. But I’ve also always lived on the Appalachian trail, be it in NJ, PA or now in WV, which isn’t actually on the trail, but certainly Appalachian, and where Scotch Irish settled. I’ve learned so much about the history here, and Appalachian history is my own history, so now I’m dreaming of going to the origin of that ancestry. This book explores a teeny-tiny bit of that, with the legendary castle and the creation of the Appalachian mountains, but I don’t want to give too much away…

9. Do you think the physical act of exploration enriches the childhood experience or may be a necessary part of the coming of age experience?

100%. Whether a child lives in rural and small town areas as I have, or urban, or anything in between, a little bit of freedom goes a long way. I worry that that freedom gets harder and harder for parents to grant because it seems like we live in scarier times than the 80’s when I was growing up. When my own children were growing up, I tried to give them as much freedom as I could but it was definitely a lot less than what I had. Freedom also means sometimes taking away things that kids enjoy, which is sometimes challenging. For example when my kids were little I would unsubscribe from cable service every summer to help enforce more outside time. (Cable? God that makes me sound old) But they became so used to it, it was never an issue, and all three of them have a strong appreciation for the natural world now, which makes me very happy. I think it’s really important to not always hold the reins too tightly and to push your kids towards self-entertainment.

10. As someone who has moved around a lot, experienced the loss of a home to a fire, and finally settled in a rural area surrounded by forest, what do you hope your readers learn about the meaning of home?

Home is, and always has been for me, the people I am with. I have moved dozens of times in my life, so I have never become overly attached to a building or even a place (although NJ has a special hold on my heart), but my true home rests in my children and my life-partner (even when that partner has changed) and my closest girlfriends. I’d like for young readers to know that surrounding yourself with the right people is what builds a real family and home. It doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s life, it just needs to be what you need/want. And I think the idea that “adventure is everywhere” echoes this in the sense that we can find wonder and mystery anywhere, if we look for it. It doesn’t have to be some grand world exploration, it can literally be in your backyard, or small town, or city.

You can find more writing from Jess at www.jessrinker.com!

Spicy Young Adult Books and Adult Readers

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Writing for young adults can be a difficult world to navigate, especially if you’re writing a “spicy” or romantic/sexual young adult book.

Young adult books are more likely to be challenged or banned, as they often deal directly with subjects like love, gender identity, race, religion, and especially sex in ways that, for some, toe the line as to what is and is not “appropriate” for teens. Add in the well-known fact that a large percentage of YA readers are actually adults (often cisgender women) and writers of spicy young adult books often find themselves facing an odd question:

“Who am I writing for, exactly?” they might wonder, and “Is it possible to please two entirely different demographics reading the same material?”

What the two (main) groups of YA readers say they want from young adult books as far as sex is concerned seems to differ wildly.

Teens (notably mostly straight teens) often complain that there’s too much of an emphasis on sex and relationships in YA novels.

“The average teenager is just not out there having sex,” says Sarah (16,) a sophomore at Harmony School of Advancement in Houston, TX. “We really don’t care that much about relationships right now. There’s just too much going on in the world. So when characters in YA novels are obsessed with things like boys and popularity and losing their virginity or whatever it just feels fake to me. I honestly skip the sex scenes whenever I get to them in books because they make me feel uncomfortable.”

By contrast, some LGBTQIA teens are happy that queer sex is being featured in books for teens.

“There were authors writing about literal incest in the nineties and it was okay because the characters were straight,” says Jupiter (16,) a student (who is nonbinary and queer) at an undisclosed high school in Austin, Texas. “Queer kids basically had to take what they could get for a long time, and just now we’re getting books where queer sex is even a thing. Queer kids just haven’t had as much exposure to [depictions of] sex as straight kids have, so personally I’m for it. ”

Both are sentiments that can be found echoed throughout the internet in circles where teens discuss literature written for them.

Adult readers are also divided into camps.

There is a significant percentage of adult YA readers who seem to enjoy sexual content in young adult novels. These adult YA readers can often be found excitedly taking to BookTok and Bookstagram to discuss the “spice levels” (here meaning the level of “onscreen” sexual activity the main characters get up to) in books like A Court of Thorns and Roses and other (often YA fantasy) books. A search for “spicy books” on Instagram or TikTok brings back thousands of hits, mostly adult readers reading and reviewing young adult books, romance novels, or erotica novels, often mixed together or not clearly labeled (which is another problem in and of itself.)

“I like the worlds created in YA fantasy,” says Victoria, a stay at home mom (38) in Wilmington, NC. “I just like a little spice! It’s not like it’s porn. I don’t see what’s wrong with spicy young adult books. Kids are having sex, whether they say they are or not, and maybe if they read about it they’ll get some of the information that their parents are uncomfortable talking about. Maybe then they can make better decisions for themselves.”

Other adult YA readers differ in opinion.

“I think it’s creepy that adult women basically colonize YA looking to read about teens having sex,” says Kenia (22,) a teacher’s assistant in Sacramento, CA. “You’re telling me they have the whole world of adult literature available to them and they choose to complain about there not being enough sex in books for teens?  If they were men, online complaining about there not being enough graphic sex in kids’ books, we’d see them as a bunch of perverts.  Sit down, ladies. This isn’t made for you.”

As we can see, the topic is a fraught one among both demographics enjoying young adult literature, and I’m not about to tell anyone how or what to write.

But, as an adult writing YA, where should you draw the line?

That’s something I, a lowly blogger, can’t answer for you (and keep in mind that your publisher will likely have stipulations of their own.)

I can, however, simplify it to two points of view.

  1. Sex positivity:  We need to stop being weird about sex! So in order to dispel antiquated, harmful notions about sex and promote sex positivity, especially for LGBTQIA+ teens, (and titillate, to a degree, because it’s harmless) keep the spicy scenes in.
  2. Plot Necessity: We don’t need to rely on titillation! Only include sex scenes if they are necessary to the plot, fading to black unless the sex being being “onscreen” is necessary.

You, as a writer, probably fall  somewhere between these two ideas, and where you fall is a matter of personal taste and artistic goals.

My recommendation?

Figure out which point of view you plan to take with your work, then make an informed decision about what kind of sex you want to include, why you want to include it, and possible repercussions you’re willing to deal with as an author. And, most importantly, regardless of  the spice level of your book, make sure it’s the best possible book you can provide for your readers

(whoever they end up being.)

 

‘Making Social Media Work for Your Book’ – Autumn Krause, ’14

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We’ve all heard it. If you are a traditionally published author, unless you are the Chosen One of your publisher and they give you a huge marketing campaign or unless you somehow have old money and can hire a fancy publicist, your own efforts to market your book won’t make much of a difference in the long run. And it makes sense. For example, even if you get 100 people to buy your book, for a traditionally published book, that isn’t very significant (though I’m certain I speak for all authors when I say it is very significant to us. Every single book I sell feels like a miracle to me!). But social media can be used to make your marketing work and help your books reach more readers.

Throughout the years, social media has changed in ways that make it easier for authors to reach their readers.I intentionally use social media as my own little department of marketing for my books and have had the most success with reels on Instagram. Reels and TikToks specifically can be helpful for authors because they are put into their own algorithm that reaches beyond people who are following your profile.

Even though I’ve only been posting about two reels a week, my reels reach 747k individual accounts a month (you can check your insights to see your reels reach). And there are concrete results: after a few went viral, my book dropped down into a Top 100 Bestseller list on Amazon (it beat Shadow & Bone for about a day! Gonna carry that with me).

How I create reels that work for me:

  1. Have an interesting audio. And it doesn’t have to be trending! I’ve had a few reels go viral without a trending audio. I pick audios that I find interesting or funny and try to link them to experiences most of my audience have had or will have. For example, this is me illustrating my writing process, a universal experience.
  2.  Tell a story. This works great for me because I love using reels to capture the writing life as I experience it. Here’s the story of how I got my deal with Harper Collins.
  3.  Be original, but conscious of trends. I try not to copy trends exactly but I’m aware of them so I can take part but put a little spin or variation to my reels. I always love making them my own.

With consistency and creativity, reels and TikToks are a fantastic way for authors to have fun and reach readers while spending zero dollars!

Autumn Krause is graduate of VCFA’s Writing for Children and Young Adults program (Winter 2014,) and works as a writer in Orange County, California. In addition to writing for young readers, she provides editorial content for a wedding website and interior design magazines. She is most often found wearing a black lace dress and boots.

‘When Children’s Books Offend’ by Jennifer Gennari ’06

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I love revision. I invite my editor brain to many cups of tea, as I read aloud, scribble on paper, cut and paste and delete. From those first drafts to the end, my word choices are studied by many smart and meticulous eyes—from my agent to my editor to the copyeditor, in those final moments before it goes to print.

Still, we grow and change. Author Mitali Perkins once shared that when one of her earliest books was reprinted, she took the opportunity to remove a stereotype. I’ve already done this, too: for the paperback edition of Muffled, I rewrote four sentences to edit out the words “normal” and “crazy,” because I had inadvertently offended.

I have a few words, too, that I would remove from my debut, My Mixed-Up Berry Blue Summer. The middle-grade novel was my creative thesis, and in 2012, it was published by Houghton Mifflin. It’s the story of June, whose family experiences anti-LGBT prejudice. I based the story in Vermont, where I’m from, augmenting my memory with research on the civil union law, the legal precursor to marriage equality.

In 2000, some Vermonters pushed back against the new civil union law (“Take back Vermont”), while others demanded that Vermont should keep “civil” our discourse and accept each other.

The book was mostly well-received, except for one scene outside the library.

A reviewer said it was “one-sided,” and that the adults opposed to the civil-union law were unrealistic, “offering inappropriate, unwelcome advice to June.” The imagined dialogue included hurtful things being said at that time: her parents could get AIDS and that queer people shouldn’t be allowed to have children.

Would I revise my book, given the chance? I would certainly remove the racist “cowabunga” hollered as they jump into the lake. But in the library, June is seeking the truth. She reads letters to the editor, including a reference to pedophiles. She doesn’t know what the word means, but she understands the hate. And then the adults outside the library passing out flyers insult her family.

The level of anti-LGBTQ+ attacks today make this scene look almost quaint. In the name of free speech, open discrimination is prevalent. In Florida, prejudice is being enshrined into law. And books, including mine, are being banned in Texas, Pennsylvania, and other states. The new wave of book-banning is organized, forcing teachers to remove books from their classrooms and endangering the lives of LGBTQ+ youth. Under the banner of “parents’ rights,” they are denying all children the chance to read the books they want and need. As many have noted, a banned book is not an honor. It means the children who need to read these books won’t find them.

Every children’s book author I know respects our young audience. We write to tell the truth and to offer hope. And that is what I believe My Mixed-Up Berry Blue Summer does, which is why I wouldn’t change that scene. June experiences something terrible, but she survives the bullying and later finds the courage to take pride in her family. She inspires me to stand up fiercely for all the books under attack.

To learn how you can stop book banning, visit PEN America’s website.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Jennifer Gennari is the author of Muffled, a Junior Library Guild selection and Georgia Children’s Book Award finalist, and My Mixed-Up Berry Blue Summer, a Bank Street Best Children’s Books of the Year selection and an American Library Association Rainbow List title. A WCYA ’06 graduate of Vermont College of Fine Arts, she lives on the water in the San Francisco Bay Area. Learn more at www.jengennari.com.

‘The Healing Power of Writing and Why I Love VCFA’

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Hi! I’m Ceredwyn. You may also know me as Kate Pentecost, VCFA alumnx and author of Elysium Girls and That Dark Infinity. I’m the new Program Assistant for VCFA’s Writing for Children and Young Adults program, and I’m thrilled to be taking over the Wild Things blog, the various VCFA social media accounts, and helping with residency. But today I want to talk about writing, death, and VCFA.

The first time I considered dying was also the first time I considered the alternative: living forever. I was eight years old and I’d just come back from a church service that heavily featured the idea of eternal life, how when we got to Heaven, there would be no end. I contemplated that. The idea, however terrifying, lodged in my brain and would stay there for what seems so far to be my entire life.

Four years later, when I was twelve, a character appeared in my mind one day and decided to stay there. He was a tall young man of around nineteen or twenty, tall and lean, almost gaunt, with olive skin, dark eyes, and black hair that touched his shoulders. He liked the color black, I knew, and was some sort of a solitary mercenary. A girl followed after that, with chin-length red hair she’d cut herself, wearing a man’s tunic and clearly out of place. Her name, I knew, ended with an “a” and went from Dahlia to Dara to eventually Flora. The young man’s name was much more difficult to find. And there in the year 2000, typing away ay my enormous, blocky desktop I set about penning what I concluded was the most epic of fantasies at 149 pages.

The original story was nothing spectacular. It was derivative (I was twelve!) and had little in the way of style (I was twelve!) and honestly was similar in tone to the Shrek films (again, I was twelve!,) but my life had a direction. I was going to be young adult fantasy author! I continued revising and submitting and getting rejections throughout high school and was accepted to the University of Houston’s Creative Writing program.

Then life became hard.

During my first semester of college in Houston, I was sexually assaulted off-campus. A month later, my grandmother, whom I’d spent almost every day with growing up, died after a stroke and I wasn’t able to be there at her deathbed. Suddenly, I found myself dealing with two very different types of grief: the major but inevitable grief of a loved one dying and the grief for oneself and one’s body that accompanies PTSD, and which I wouldn’t admit to myself I had. I failed three classes in my major that semester as I insisted that nothing had really happened and that I was just being lazy or weak.

Still, it hurt so terribly. It hurt all day and the only relief I got, in sleep, would begin all over again whenever I woke the following day. Desperate to heal from this unending cycle, but afraid to tell anyone what had happened, I did the only thing I knew how to do: I tried to write my way out of it, to escape into the fun fantasy world I’d created and loved so much. But a writer can never divorce oneself from one’s circumstances.

The story changed from underneath me, grew darker, even as I was accepted to VCFA’s WCYA program, my dream writing program. My second semester advisor, April Lurie, encouraged me to lean into the darkness and stop trying to make the story fit what I wanted it to be but couldn’t be anymore. I allowed a darkness to fall over the book. The appropriate darkness. I scrapped what I’d written and rewrote it, starting over seven times before April told me that it felt authentic.

In this new version, Flora came to share my story of survival of sexual assault. As for the male character, I wanted my readers to feel what I felt through him somehow, that cycle of pain and grief that resets every morning and never seems to end. And as I let myself confront that and examine it, the character finally began to speak to me authentically. He had a curse, I realized. A curse that hinged on, not quite immortality, not quite death, but the worst parts of both. Something that caught him in an endless cycle of death and resurrection but never peace or permanence. That was his quiet yearning, I learned, and finally, as I studied poetry, he told me his name.

I am Lazarus, come from the dead/ Come back to tell you all. I shall tell you all.
– T.S. Eliot, The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock

Dying
Is an art, like everything else.
I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.
I do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I’ve a call.
– Lady Lazarus, Sylvia Plath

I studied craft and characterization, drafted chapter after chapter, packet after packet, and as I did so I threw myself also into studying death, to make it feel real, to understand what it would feel like to die. I studied grief, depression, PTSD.  I learned that when you die your hunger goes first, then your smell and taste, followed by your sight, which dims as you slowly lose sensation and finally hearing. I threw myself into understanding this strange character who had always been with me and who was so important to me for some reason. But it is to the other character, Flora, that I owe the most.

As I learned more about her with Mark, April, Susan, and Louise, I realized that since her struggle was my own, I had to understand how to make myself better to help her reach the healing she needed by the end of the book. I sought therapy, worked as a crisis counselor for RAINN, examined my sense of guilt about what had happened, and eventually was able to forgive myself and ultimately heal. Even death, which I had always feared, I came to understand and to accept.

I found that what I was learning at VCFA helped me to deeply study these characters whom I realized eventually were parts of me, and thus study myself. Just as the characters help each other to heal in the book I was writing, what I’d learned about grief from studying death for Lazarus helped me understand how to help heal Flora. Both of them (and my advisors’ guidance) helped me to heal myself through the power of my own creation.

This book, That Dark Infinity, has a special place in that it is the book of my childhood, my adolescence, and my growth into a healed adult. It became my creative thesis and was the book that got me my agent, Sara Crowe, who is fantastic, and it was published in October 2021.

A lot of this I owe to VCFA and my advisors and classmates, which, I suppose, is one of the reasons I’m so excited to be able to work here. But I wanted to share the greatest wisdom, writerly or otherwise that I have been able to learn so far: wherever you are, whatever you’re going through, look your situation in the face, come to understand it, and keep going.

‘Write On!’ by Laurel Abell ’18

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